


sky blush

by bijyu



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 08:24:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12723054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bijyu/pseuds/bijyu
Summary: Bin doesn't believe in love at first sight, but the moment he lays his eyes on Lee Dongmin, he knows that this is something different.





	sky blush

**Author's Note:**

> written for a prompt i got on curious cat. anon asked for something based on [the poem bin posted on fancafe](https://twitter.com/99pmh/status/928262402637905920) and [the song that inspired the poem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWqnYk7Ta7s). it's not necessary to read the poem and the lyrics before reading the fic but still... please do it!! :D

 

Bin knows it the moment he lays his eyes on the boy. It's like time froze; he can still hear the beat of the music, other trainees' voices, the squeaking of shoe soles against the wooden floor. But he feels as if the world faded away; there's just him, the boy, and his heart, thumping in his chest, in his ears, drowning the other sounds out.

 

He doesn't believe in love at first sight— it's not love. But it's something. Not just attraction, it’s a feeling, like a premonition that he can fall hard if he lets himself fall. He wonders, for a second, if he's this shallow, because the boy is just beautiful. He didn't think it was possible for a human being to be this handsome.

 

"This is Lee Dongmin." Bin blinks— he feels like he's been pulled from underwater. He suddenly realizes he's staring and he quickly looks away, moving his eyes to the man accompanying the new boy. Noh Taeyoon, the new manager, a man with a deep booming voice and a warm smile. Bin doesn't know him well but he already likes him. "Dongmin, this is Moon Bin. He is an early 98 liner so technically your age."

 

His age. It's hard to believe the boy is not an angel but just another kid with big dreams. Bin realizes another thing— with his looks, there's no doubt this kid will make it. He's a rival, and one that doesn't need to work hard to have an advantage over them all. The other trainees won't like him.

 

"It's nice to meet you," Lee Dongmin says, a polite smile on his face. This time Bin only looks at him for a second before his eyes fall to the floor. He is too dazzling to look at.

 

"You too," he mumbles, scratching his neck nervously.

 

"Bin-ah, maybe you can teach him some dance moves?"

 

"Uh, sure."

 

The manager leaves after that and the boy named Lee Dongmin smiles at him again. It's a shy, reserved smile. Bin suddenly wonders what Dongmin thinks of him. What do boys this beautiful think about other human beings? If you see such a pretty face in the mirror every day, isn't it natural to find other people ugly?

 

"I'll…" He licks his lips. They taste salty, like sweat. "I'll be over there if you need me."

 

Not waiting for Dongmin's response he turns around and returns to his spot in front of the mirror. His heart is still racing, so he gives it another reason to pound against his ribcage, dancing until he can barely catch a breath. He doesn't look around to check on Dongmin even once but he can still see his smile when he closes his eyes. Too pretty to be real.

 

He's both disappointed and relieved that Dongmin doesn't try talking to him after that.

 

***

 

It shouldn't be difficult to pretend Dongmin doesn't exist. It's not like Bin is close to all the trainees. Some of them come and go, some leave even before he can remember their names and faces. But Dongmin is difficult to ignore, even though he doesn't purposely draw attention to himself. Once again Bin wonders if it's his looks or something else. Something that draws Bin's eyes to him.

 

"What do you think about Lee Dongmin?" he asks Minhyuk one night when they're eating ramyun outside a convenience store.

 

Minhyuk shrugs, mixing the noodles with his chopsticks. "He's… very good looking? And he works hard, he's ambitious. He's going to make it for sure so we probably should befriend him but somehow I don't feel like it."

 

Minhyuk's honest in a way few people are, and he is a kind person. There's no bitterness or malice to his words, it’s just a calm assessment. But Bin wouldn't blame him even if he was bitter. They trained for so many years but someone with such a pretty face can easily steal their spot.

 

He remembers Minhyuk's words the next time he sees Lee Dongmin. Really sees him, not just glimpses of him during practice. It happens after an evaluation; Bin is exhausted from preparing for it but more than that, he feels restless. He's only recently overcome a crisis, that hopeless feeling he's been doing this for too long with no results, no prospect of debut in sight.

 

"You're not going with us?" Chanwoo asks, looking at him with concern in his eyes. They're still worried for him, he and Minhyuk.

 

Bin shakes his head. Most trainees leave early after an evaluation but Bin doesn't feel like celebrating. He wants to dance more, go through a different choreography from the one he and Minhyuk have been practicing for the past few days. Feel his muscles burn in a different way.

 

"You okay, hyung? We did really well, you know."

 

Bin smiles at Minhyuk. "I know. I'm good, that's why I feel like dancing."

 

"Can't say I don't understand. I could stay too?"

 

Bin hears Chanhee call for them; seems the others are about to leave.

 

"No, it's fine. Have fun and eat a lot."

 

He sighs in relief when they leave. It's not like he doesn't enjoy their company but these days, he needs his alone time. Maybe it's partly because of the part time job the company assigned him to improve his social skills. He likes working at the coffee shop but dealing with the customers can be exhausting sometimes.

 

As he walks into the practice room, he's surprised to find someone is already there. The boy is not doing anything, just staring at his reflection in the wall mirror, but he's out of breath; he must have been practicing. His hair is messy, his face flushed, but he still looks gorgeous. It's Lee Dongmin.

 

Their eyes briefly meet through the mirror but Dongmin quickly looks away. He's startled. Most likely wasn't expecting anyone to come here. A moment later he regains his composure and turns to Bin, putting on that polite smile Bin still clearly remembers from their first meeting.

 

"Hi," he says softly. It's all he says and Bin doesn't know why his heart jumps in his chest just like he doesn't know why he's still awkwardly standing in the doorway. He walks in.

 

"Hey."

 

Neither of them says anything else. Bin doesn't think they've exchanged more than ten words since they met so needless to say, the atmosphere is tense. Bin sits down on the bench and pretends to fix his shoelaces.

 

"I was just about to leave so…" Dongmin moves to his locker and starts gathering his things. Bin notices his hands are shaking a bit. Is it from exertion? Or is he anxious about something? Bin recalls his evaluation. He was one of the first trainees to be judged today. Dongmin doesn't slack off but as he had no skills whatsoever before, right now he's average at best. It was exactly what he was told. A pretty face can't save you from harsh words.

 

But where others see average skills, Bin can see improvement. He remembers what Minhyuk said then— he works hard, he's ambitious. Did Dongmin stay to practice because he was upset about what they'd told him?

 

Then he remembers what else Minhyuk said, that he didn't feel like befriending Dongmin. Most trainees are the same. When Bin asked Chanwoo about him, he just shrugged and said he didn't seem friendly. Bin can understand. Dongmin is not just handsome, that would probably draw people to him. He's ethereal, the kind of good looking that leaves you stunned, intimidated, makes you envious. It pushes people away.

 

But if there's anything Bin has noticed about Dongmin it's that he's definitely not stuck up. He's overly polite, he smiles too much, like it's a defense mechanism. He's shy. Bin never felt any animosity towards him. If anything he was scared, of that feeling he got the first time he saw him. Of how beautiful he found him. Of falling and not being able to get up.

 

Scared. The word echoes in his mind and he frowns. Now that he named the feeling… fear was in his opinion a poor reason to do or not to do something.

 

And... Bin thinks of how hard Dongmin always works even though his looks alone can get him a spot in Fantagio's future boygroup. He thinks of how the other trainees avoid him and of how being ignored can sometimes be as bad as being bullied.

 

"Dongmin?"

 

Dongmin looks at him, and Bin is suddenly reminded of the sounds of forest and rain he sometimes puts on to relax. He looks like a squirrel perched on a tree branch, curiously but suspiciously eyeing its surroundings.

 

"Do you want to go grab something to eat?"

 

Dongmin stares, his fingers tightening around his bag strap. "Me?"

 

No other Dongmin in here, Bin thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. "The others probably went to the usual place but I wanted to check out the new place they opened nearby."

 

"Oh. I see. Um, I'd love to?"

 

"Great. It's better to eat in company, I can always pretend I didn't eat 5 portions of meat by myself."

 

Dongmin laughs at that. It looks completely different from the smiles he gave Bin before. It's like his face lights up, his eyes turning into crescents. Bin's heart leaps at the sight; it's beautiful. And the sound, it makes him think of the coffee his mom used to make him in the morning— warm, rich and sweet.

 

It’s strange to think that, but it reminds him of home.

 

***

 

Things change after that. Not just between him and Dongmin. Chanwoo and Chanhee don't make it through the next evaluation and they leave the company. They promise each other to meet on stage one day. Bin doesn’t let himself cry when he says goodbye to them, he smiles brightly and tries his best to cheer them up and encourage them. He tells them it's fine, that they will keep in touch, reassures them that he's sure they can make it.

 

He doesn't cry but his heart sinks when he hugs Chanwoo. Though he tries to convince them otherwise, it feels like the end of the world.

 

He has an ugly thought the next time he sees Dongmin. For a moment he wonders if his friends would still be here if Dongmin never became a Fantagio trainee. Maybe at least one of them would be able to debut with him. And now all he has is Minhyuk and a group of almost-strangers.

 

  
But then, during a break in practice, Dongmin sits next to him and hands him a chocolate bar; when Bin looks up at him, he gives him a small smile but there's worry in his eyes.

 

"Thanks," he says, accepting the snack.

 

"Your friends… I wish they'd made it."

 

Bin is quiet for a moment, unwrapping the chocolate bar. "Me too," he says finally. It's the truth and he doesn't know what else to say.

 

"I know what you all think, that they trained for years but they got kicked out and I only got through because—"

 

"You improved a lot in a short time, it's no wonder you passed," Bin interrupts, angry with himself that he really thought that a moment before. The anxiety in Dongmin's voice is clear even though he tries to hide it. Just how much did that bother him? "And… you're my friend too."

 

Dongmin doesn't respond and when Bin looks up at him, he just stares, blinking.

 

"What?" Bin laughs. Is Dongmin this surprised? They got closer very quickly, and maybe they aren't best friends yet but… Bin thinks they could be. They will be.

 

Dongmin shakes his head and smiles back. And it's breathtaking. He's already so pretty, it's not fair that his smile is this dazzling. It's almost like looking at the sun; Bin's eyes drop to the ground, he suddenly feels shy. He takes a bite of the chocolate bar just to distract himself from his confusing emotions.

 

"Do you want to go eat something after practice? My treat."

 

"Sure," Bin mumbles through a mouthful of chocolate.

 

"Maybe…" Dongmin pauses, hesitating. "Maybe Minhyukie could come too?"

 

Bin nods. "I'll let him know." Dongmin and Minhyuk haven't gotten any closer. Even though Bin spends quite a lot of time with Dongmin these days. Maybe it's been bothering Dongmin. It's possible that most of them will debut together, they should get along well.

 

It's funny, Bin thinks, chewing on the snack. He doesn't even like chocolate much but he can feel Dongmin's sincere efforts to cheer him up and just that makes it taste better. Makes him feel better. It's okay, he's still walking the path to his dreams— and he's not alone.

 

***

 

It's befitting that Dongmin was born at the very beginning of spring.

 

It's what Bin thinks during the party they prepared for Dongmin. He's so, so happy, he keeps thanking everyone, he's genuinely having fun and Bin finds that impossibly endearing. He can tell the others think so too. However they felt about him before doesn't really matter anymore. It doesn't matter that last year except for Bin, and Jinwoo who had been kind to Dongmin from the start, nobody acknowledged Dongmin's birthday. It's all in the past now, so much changed within that year.

 

They record a short video singing happy birthday for him. As Bin sings his heart out, loud and high pitched, the fondness filling his heart makes him pull Dongmin's head closer to him and pet his hair. He wants Dongmin to always smile happily like this. Like the first sunny spring morning.

 

He watches Jinwoo fondly pat Dongmin's back, coercing Sanha into giving him a birthday kiss. Sanha doesn't need much convincing, he soon leans in and pecks Dongmin's cheek, making him laugh in embarrassment.

 

Watching him now, fooling around with the others, laughing openly, acting like a little kid, he remembers that shy, polite boy with a reserved smile he met two years ago. He's glad he got to know him better.

 

"Thank you," Dongmin says later that night, a gentle hand placed on Bin's shoulder. They stayed behind to clean up; Bin lost in rock paper scissors but Dongmin offered to stay with him. They ended up sitting on the bench eating the cake leftovers and chatting, the quiet conversation occasionally interrupted by bursts of laughter.

 

"For what?"

 

"Don't play dumb. Jinwoo-hyung said it was your idea."

 

"Uh, actually, it was his idea," Bin says with a grin. Dongmin's expression gets stuck between a confused frown and an amused smile.

 

"Who am I supposed to believe then?"

 

"Guess you will never find out."

 

For a moment Dongmin is quiet, staring at the floor, a small smile playing at his lips. The silence is comfortable, they're so close now that it doesn't bother Bin in the slightest. It's nice, sitting next to each other in the dimly lit room. It feels cozy.

 

"You know, for a while I was worried nobody would like me," Dongmin says quietly. "I'm shy so it's difficult for me to approach people and they— they rarely do it first with me."

 

"They're intimidated. I mean. Your looks—"

 

"I know," Dongmin interrupts, voice tense. "And I know I should be grateful, that it's a big advantage, but sometimes I just wish…" He trails off, falling quiet, but Bin can guess what he wishes for.

 

"It’s not just your looks. You’re smart, hardworking and kind. You're an amazing person, you know," he says, putting his hand on Dongmin's. "One of the best people I know."

 

Dongmin laughs at that. "You praise me too much." He lets out a small sigh, looking at Bin attentively, as if he's hoping to find something in his face, or maybe trying to memorize it. It makes Bin feel lightheaded; he can feel his face warm up. "I'm glad we became friends. It really gives me a lot of strength."

 

"I'm glad too," Bin says, voice hoarse. Dongmin smiles at him brightly; Bin can see his eyelashes are wet. He wants to wipe that wetness away but he doesn't dare to. He just squeezes Dongmin's hand tighter and thinks of an early spring morning and grass sprinkled with dew.

 

***

 

Not long after Dongmin's birthday the group name and the lineup is decided. They're debuting spring next year as a six member group named Astro. Jinwoo cries first, then Sanha who can barely believe he was able to make it, and then Dongmin as he hugs Sanha tight, too sensitive to other people's tears. They all congratulate each other, they call their parents and friends.

 

Bin doesn't cry until they start their predebut showcase tour. Only then, after the first performance, he realizes he's finally made it. And the tears come when he's lying on the floor bedding between Dongmin and Jinwoo. Both of them are already asleep. He's as quiet as he can be, letting the hot tears roll down his cheeks, sniffing only occasionally, but despite that Dongmin wakes up. Bin knows Dongmin is a light sleeper but surely he wasn't loud?

 

Bin nervously tries to wipe his tears away; Dongmin squints at him, drowsy, but the second he realizes what's happening, his eyes snap open wide.

 

"S-sorry, I…"

 

Dongmin hushes him and shifts closer to him, concern shining in his eyes even through the sleepiness. "What's wrong?"

 

Bin smiles. "I think… these aren't bad tears."

 

"Oh." Dongmin seems to understand. He pulls Bin's hand away from his face and draws it closer to himself, intertwining their fingers. "It's good to cry sometimes."

 

“I know, I just… don’t like feeling like a kid.”

 

Dongmin’s eyes twinkle. “But we are still kids.”

 

Bin snorts. “Speak for yourself, Lee Dongmin.”

 

They stay like this for a while, until the tears stop and all Bin can think about is how lucky he is, to be able to debut with Dongmin. He loves the others as well, no doubt about that, but there's something between him and Dongmin, something special. He doesn't know what it is yet but he knows it's not something one can find easily.

 

"Binnie…" Dongmin whispers and it sounds like he wants to say more but then he changes his mind. The way he says Bin's name though, so full of affection, makes Bin's heart ache.

 

It makes him think of falling.

 

***

 

There is no abrupt realization. He's slowly discovering his feelings run deeper than the initial attraction, deeper than the friendship that developed with time. He doesn't name them for a long time, though.

 

He does about two months after their debut. They're watching a movie with the other members, finally having got enough free time to take advantage of the TV they got after changing dorms. Dongmin is sitting on the sofa next to Bin, and at one moment he laughs really hard at something Myungjun says, toppling over and leaning against Bin's shoulder. Bin looks down at him, amused, and Dongmin meets his eyes, grinning at him happily, his hair mussed up, his eyes shining. _He's so beautiful_ , Bin thinks, and then, _guess I really do love him._

 

The thought doesn't surprise him at all. He'd known all along that he could, that he would love Dongmin if he let it happen. It doesn't change the fact that he's not ready to face those feelings. There's still that vague vision he's always had for his future. Popularity, success, making Astro big. Making his parents happy and proud. And then… marriage, kids, grandchildren. It's not something he wants now but it's something he was sure he'd have one day. He's not quite ready to let go of that future. Plus… he likes girls too. And it's just easier to be what everyone expects you to be, isn't it?

 

"Hyung, are you paying attention at all?" Minhyuk asks suddenly and Bin blinks, pulled out of his thoughts. The others look at him and he gets irrationally embarrassed, even though they can't know what he's been thinking about.

 

"It's a silly movie," he says defensively.

 

"Yah!" Myungjun protests, hitting Bin's foot, the only thing he can easily reach as he's sitting on the floor in front of them. "How can you say that! Hobbit is the best movie there is apart from Lord of the Rings!"

 

"Lord of the Rings was okay," Bin agrees. "But this…"

 

"If you don't like it just leave!"

 

Bin knows Myungjun is not serious but the movie really is boring and it's a good excuse to go back to his room. He makes a move to get up, but Dongmin grabs his arm, keeping him in place.

 

"Sorry, but you can't go anywhere," he says, tone playful, "you're my human heater."

 

Bin wants to protest but it's like his heart is melting and he can't do anything but laugh.

 

"Ah, seriously…" he sighs. Dongmin is completely unbothered by that halfhearted protest.

 

"Just keep watching, it should get better later," he says, his eyes shifting back to the TV screen. He stays pressed close to Bin, their arms linked, until the end of the movie. And it doesn't only keep Dongmin warm, but Bin as well, in a different way.

 

The movie doesn't get better at all, but somehow Bin doesn't mind.

 

***

 

Maybe Bin has read too many webtoons or watched too much anime; he thought hiding his feelings from his best friend would be more difficult than that. Turns out it's not so hard. It's not like he thinks about it all the time— the feelings are there at all times but with how busy they are, it's easy to hide the thoughts between countless sheets of variety script, drown them in the loud music of the practice room.

 

They push forward at times, of course. When Dongmin laughs at something Bin says, his eyes twinkling, when he leans against him, hugs him, holds his hand. And in other situations, like when he's asked about his ideal type and all he can think about is how pretty Dongmin looks when he smiles. But he manages to keep his cool most of the time.

 

He doesn't think it's obvious.

 

Or maybe… maybe it is, sometimes. Maybe he doesn't really care if it is.

 

"If it was Dongmin you wouldn't say a thing!" Myungjun complains loudly when Bin doesn't let him steal food from his takeout box. Bin’s face immediately turns warm.

 

"That's not true," he protests, stuffing his mouth with meat to hide his embarrassment. He knows Myungjun is probably right. Maybe not entirely, Bin would say _something_ , just because he loves teasing Dongmin. But he wouldn't refuse. There are few things he wouldn't do for Dongmin. He can't help it though; Dongmin is a wonderful person and he deserves all the best in this world and even if it's just by spoiling him with little things, Bin wants to make him happy.

 

Dongmin doesn't react, just keeps eating his food like nothing happened at all. When Bin looks up at him a moment later, he smiles at him brightly. He grins back, still flustered and relieved that Dongmin doesn't seem to find Myungjun's comment suspicious. Maybe he thinks it's just a best friend thing. Maybe Myungjun thinks so too.

 

Maybe hiding it really is easier than he thought.

 

Still, there are times when it's difficult. Dongmin quickly becomes known as the most handsome new generation idol and thus, he's starting to get offers for solo schedules. It's a great opportunity to promote the group so he accepts them all. He's so busy that at times Bin doesn't see him for days— he comes back late at night and leaves early in the morning, and once he's finally free he practices all the time to catch up with the others, barely sparing time for sleep.

 

And though he never complains, claiming he's thankful for all the opportunities, Bin can see how exhausted he is. He can tell something is bothering him. He smiles less, doesn’t joke around with them like usual. And it hurts so much, seeing him like this. All Bin wants to do is pull him into his arms and console him, he wants to make him laugh again, he wants to take away whatever it is that's troubling him.

 

But he doesn't know how. He knows Dongmin is the type to keep his troubles to himself and he can't stand the thought of being a burden to anyone. And in turn, Bin worries that by attempting to comfort him or make him talk to him he would just make him feel uncomfortable.

 

So he does all he can do. As usual, he tries to make Dongmin happy through little things, and he cares less and less about Myungjun's complaints and Minhyuk's teasing and Sanha rolling his eyes and Jinwoo giving him knowing looks. It doesn't matter one bit as long as Dongmin is happy.

 

One night he comes back after a workout only to find Dongmin sitting in the lower bed bunk, hugging his knees and crying. He must have not heard Bin coming thanks to Minhyuk blasting Usher in the other room; he looks startled when Bin enters their room, quickly wiping his tears away. Fruitless effort, as more follow, wetting his cheeks all over again.

 

Bin is so shocked that he's speechless for a moment, both at seeing Dongmin like this and at how much it hurts. And he can't help but wonder how many times it's happened before when he wasn't around. Just the thought makes him want to cry as well.

 

"What happened?" he asks softly, locking the door behind him.

 

"Nothing," Dongmin sniffs. "I'm just— I think I'm just tired."

 

Bin doesn't buy it. He sits next to Dongmin and wraps his arm around him, pulling him closer. Dongmin doesn't resist but he's tense and he avoids looking at Bin. His eyes are puffy, like he's been crying for a long time. Bin's heart clenches. He wishes he could take Dongmin's troubles away, he'd rather be the one hurting instead.

 

And in that moment, hiding his feelings is especially difficult. Because he desperately wants to tell Dongmin that he's amazing and beautiful and that he loves him more than anyone. He wants to be able to hold him and kiss his tears away.

 

But he knows he can't, he shouldn't. That even if he decides to confess someday, now is not the time. It would cause more trouble than anything else.

 

So he just seats next to Dongmin, letting him cry. Being next to him is all he can do. Eventually Dongmin shifts closer to him, rests his head on his shoulder. He's relaxed now, and his breath is calmer, though he's still sniffing. Slowly, so that he doesn't startle Dongmin, he reaches for a tissue roll. It's a relief to see Dongmin smile when he attempts to wipe his nose.

 

"I can do it myself, you know," he says with a laugh, though it's shaky and his voice is thick with tears.

 

"No, you can't," Bin says, playful but stubborn. "You're a baby."

 

Dongmin doesn't protest any further. He blows his nose into the tissue, and then Bin wipes his face with a clean one. Dongmin's eyes are red and his face is swollen but it doesn't matter because the smile he gives Bin is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

 

"Binnie..." He takes Bin's hand in his. "Thank you."

 

Bin swallows. It's awkward and difficult to say those things but he has to right now.

 

"You know, if you need me— to talk to or just be with you, you know, I'm always here—"

 

"I know," Dongmin says, and the warmth in his eyes makes Bin's heart race. "You're always…" he trails off, squeezing Bin's hand. They're quiet for a moment; Bin is trying to make his treacherous heart calm down and Dongmin is looking at their joined hands. His face is flushed and there's a small smile on his face and suddenly it dawns on Bin. He understands it with full clarity. The connection they have is more than friendship and they both know that. Bin isn't that good at hiding it, and Dongmin isn't that oblivious.

 

He intertwines their fingers, and wonders if it's possible that Dongmin's heart is beating as fast as his, that their feelings are the same, or just a similar intensity but a different kind of love. But no matter what it is, he knows what they have is special, and he's going to cherish it for as long as he can.

 

For now he's fine just being next to Dongmin. And maybe one day he can tell Dongmin what exactly his feelings are.

 

***

 

He makes up his mind.

 

It's not a difficult decision, not really. It can't be any other way when so much time has passed and his feelings haven't changed at all. It's close to Astro's second anniversary, it's been over four years since they met. And somehow on the way Bin stopped caring about his former plans for the future. He still loves kids, but having his own is not really important. Marriage is even less so. He doesn't want to disappoint his parents— but maybe they won't be that disappointed? He hopes for that. Either way, their opinion can't change his mind or his heart. He loves Lee Dongmin.

 

And he's going to tell him. Not now, not yet, definitely not when they're promoting and they're too busy to even get proper rest. He's thought about it carefully and he doesn't want to rush things. But soon— sometime soon.

 

"Something on your mind?" Dongmin asks him, clearly amused with the way Bin has been staring blankly at his phone, the _game over_ screen of a mobile game blinking at him over and over.

 

Bin looks up at him. Dongmin's stage makeup and hair is already done and as usual, he looks absolutely stunning. Except Bin often thinks the stylist are wasting their time because Dongmin looks amazing even without all that.

 

"There's always something on my mind, I'm a thinker."

 

Next to him Sanha snorts, not looking up from his English notebook. "Like food and sleep?"

 

"Like wise things little kids like you can't understand."

 

"That's very mature of you, Binnie," Dongmin says, his eyes twinkling.

 

"Glad you acknowledge."

 

Dongmin seats between him and Sanha, taking interest in his notes and soon they begin talking in English, the conversation still a bit clumsy on Sanha's part. Bin watches them, smiling at the way Dongmin patiently corrects Sanha, the way he beams proudly every time Sanha gets something right. Dongmin is always handsome but Bin thinks he's especially beautiful when he's excited about something and when he's smiling happily at the people he loves and when he's hyping up his friends, happy to see them grow.

 

For now Bin is content just watching him like this, being next to him.

 

It's not the time yet, but _if_ has turned into _when_. Maybe next year. Maybe in spring, since it's the season of new beginnings— and it's when Dongmin's birthday is.

 

Maybe soon he'll be ready for a new start, whatever it might mean.

 

***

 

"I'm surprised you actually got up," Dongmin says as a greeting when Bin steps out onto the roof. The staircase door closes behind him with a creak. The roof of their apartment complex in not nearly as nice as the company building's roof with the garden and all, but the view is far more impressive.

 

"Since you asked so nicely."

 

The terrace is empty aside from the blanket Dongmin lied out on the ground. Bin sits next to him, close enough for their legs to touch. Dongmin doesn't seem to mind as he leans in even closer. He's only wearing a sweater, and while Bin is fine in his hoodie, he realizes Dongmin must be cold. The last week of March was warm but it's still chilly at this hour.

 

"It's a weird custom, to torture yourself like that on your birthday."

 

"Torture?"

 

"Getting up at 5 is torture."

 

Dongmin laughs at that. "It's supposed to bring good luck. Watching the sunrise on your birthday. By yourself, and thinking about the future. But…" Dongmin glances at him. "I didn't want to be alone."

 

"Well, I am here now." Bin looks at the sky; it's turning brighter really fast, changing colors from dark blue to pink, red and yellow. "It better be worth it."

 

"We're lucky the sky is clear."

 

"You mean you're lucky. It's even more difficult to wake me on cloudy days."

 

"I didn't expect you to wake up at all."

 

Bin just laughs; he doesn't mention that he could hardly sleep. When after receiving wishes from everyone Dongmin mentioned watching the sunrise to him, Bin made up his mind. He's going to tell Dongmin now.

 

"It's so quiet here," Dongmin says. "It's nice. But cold." He moves even closer to Bin, leaning against him, and normally Bin would wrap his arm around him but right now, he's tense. Even though he thinks Dongmin already knows. Even though he's sure nothing can shake their friendship. He's still nervous. He suddenly remembers their Confession MV— funny how the confession scene was also shot on the roof. He wishes he could be as calm and determined now as he came out in the video.

 

The first slither of the sun peeks over the skyline in a radiant, white form, and it's what prompts Bin to speak. He promised himself— before the sunrise.

 

"Dongminnie," he says, turning to him. Dongmin looks at him, raising his brows at the seriousness of his tone. Bin thought about saying _I like you_ , it’s more casual, it holds less weight. But that's why he decided against it. It doesn't cover what he feels for Dongmin at all. But what he feels is more difficult to voice.

 

He takes a deep breath and says it.

 

For a moment it's quiet; all he can hear is the distant sounds of traffic and the beating of his heart. And then Dongmin smiles at him and Bin thinks the sunrise can't possibly compare.

 

"I know." Dongmin leans in and gives Bin a peck on the lips; it's very brief but enough to make Bin's face turn hot. Dongmin is flushed as well but he looks smug for causing that reaction. "I love you too," he says, voice soft and shy but filled with affection.  
 

 

Bin is so happy to hear it that he can't help but grin from ear to ear.

 

"Good," he laughs. He winds his arm around Dongmin and pulls him closer, rubbing his side to warm him up. Cuddled up like this, they watch the sunrise, delicate yellows and reds filling the sky, the sun already beginning to warm the air.

 

It’s funny, because it doesn't feel like he’s just confessed. It feels like they’ve just casually exchanged _I love yous_ , expressing feelings they already knew about. Perhaps it's exactly like that. Bin thought of new beginnings, but this feels more like a continuation of what they’ve had for a long time.

 

He decides he likes it better this way.

 

 

 

\---

i'm taking fic commissions! [you can commission a fic here](https://twitter.com/catpawprints/status/1048298227211165698)

 

**Author's Note:**

> i tried my best to follow the canon timeline and events but it's not like i experienced trainee life and idol life so i don't know a lot about it. the second to last scene takes place during csc promo so the last one is in the future. :) i hope you liked it, comments make me super happy so if you have time let me know what you think!
> 
> as usual feel free to talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/catpawprints) or send me prompts on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/kittyten)!


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